Sorry about the TMI, but I am so fucking sick and tired of feeling so...tired and sick.
Wanna know why I so easily slip into obsession mode about fictional places? Because my RL...well, it doesn't suck, not really. There are many fine and wonderful elements to it that I wouldn't give up for the world. But those not-so-wonderful elements seem to be what takes up the majority of my psyche these days. And I don't quite know how to deal with those elements because they're all in my face and they're clawing at my insides and I feel fucking pathetic. So instead of dealing, I bail. I live in another world that is as unreal as mine is real and for a few days I can breathe.
I have done this my entire life. I used to think I was crazy, but now I see it as a very necessary coping mechanism. If I didn't drift out, I would most certainly go crazy, and not in some genteel way, but in a full-out dead-monkey-in-my-bedroom way. Just look for William Holden in the pool; I'm fucking ready for my motherfucking close up.
And none of this has anything to do with why the top of my head is going to blow off, or why if the phone rings one more time I'm going to just burst into tears--not of pity or fear or sadness, but pure unadulterated anger; I cry like a baby when I'm pissed as all get out, saves me throwing things against the wall. I can't even articulate what has gotten me to this point today. Some of you are well aware of my continuing growing frustration with my work. And I have actually done that mature thing and attempted to take steps to alleviate it, but none of it helps. I'm not sleeping and my stomach is churning and all I want to do is crawl into bed and slip into some very safe place that has no bearing on reality whatsoever and just exist.
Eventually, I do get tired of it all and face the world again.
But for right now I just feel like screaming. And I can't really do that here at the office or my very nice coworker will be forced to sing me platitudes until I want to cut out my own tongue. So instead I vent here and put it out there for all 12 of you to read and I lick my wounds and I feel pathetically sorry for myself and I look for more pictures of VDO or Simon Pegg or lolcats or something that will jar me out of this moment right now this one this---
Jupiter Icy Moons Explorer
3 days ago
4 comments:
I don't know where you work, and if I did, I wouldn't be so bold as to give you advice... so... just remember, at least you're not Nicolas Cage.
You know, I can relate to being stressed out over work situations. I worked at an office once where the boss was seriously a horrible human being who seemed to enjoy making other people's life miserable.
It was horrible. It was like working in a war zone. Slowly one by one, my friends slowly quit or got fired. I had a meltdown one afternoon, came back the next day and handed in my two-weeks notice.
To this day, most of us who used to work there can't even drive by the building without a knot developing in our stomachs.
So I do empathize with bad work situations, BIG TIME.
I hope things work out better for you than they did for me.
And obsessions are great for taking little vacations from your problems. I used to read a lot more back then. Books are always a great escape, as I'm sure you know. :)
dude...you realize that this is NOT an unusual thing that you do right? I think it's COMPLETELY natural to deal with inner stress and pain with some sort of escapism. Hell, that's probably why things like video games, role playing, ren faires, READING, movies are popular. We all have a way to take refuge in our imaginations (hence my nonstop watching of SVU for the past week). Being a responsible adult can wear you down.
Oh, and I cry when I'm pissed as well. I feel ya.
I saw Petula Clark play Norma Desmond in London, it was very cool.
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