I am immersed in layer upon layer of frustration

As part of my volunteer training, my instructors stress the importance of self-care. The kind of work I'm getting into will cause burnout in a matter of months if I don't find some way to create pockets of nurturing for my own spirit and soul. I'm not very good at that. In fact, I think it's safe to say I failed at least once before, causing my total flare-out while at mega bookstore chain (interestingly, I look back on that job with great affection, but shudder at the thought of returning specifically because I had no boundaries between Work and Life).

I do try though. After an especially intense training session on Saturday, I promised myself a Sunday of delights, starting with finishing a fabulous book and ending with the return of my not-so-secret obsession after a six month absence.

Book finished and wow, what the total wrong choice to make. I mean, it was fabulous--brilliant, even. But so so sad. Not depressing sad, but angsty, muted, as if the writing were drawn out in bleached watery color (or should I say colour, being that the novel is set in England). And given my lack of self-care abilities, I think I should have picked something a tad more chipper.

Then my show comes on and I was...unimpressed. Not that I was expecting to be blown away. Nothing this season has managed that so far. I have mentioned clearly before (see link above) that I do not like the way Leight has handled his showrunning. So I won't go into that again. It was all Bobby all the time, so I didn't leave too disappointed. I just. Wanted more.

I come to work unexpectedly upbeat, thinking this is the week I'm going to get something accomplished. So what happens? What always happens. Random time-eating monkey wrench meet the working cogs of my day.

So I stop and do what I do when I need an absolutely mindless break that is in no way connected to reality: I look for random slash.

Now don't get all grossed out on me. Hot guys having sex is scorchy. And there's a weird positive emotional component there, something having to do with seeing fictional characters who typify strong male stereotypes crawling over barriers of intimacy and trust. There have been articles written about it--academic ones, even. So I won't get into the whole shebang here.

I used to write slash in the Star Wars and Buffy fandoms. I used to read it in several others, including dueSouth, Star Trek (Kirk/Spock 4 eva!), The X-Files, and Angel. I am an OTPer, which means I lock onto a pairing as if my life depended on it and don't even tell me another pairing is better, or makes more sense thematically (really? haven't we thrown canon out the window by now?), or this gifted writer writes this pairing. I don't care. All I care about are three important things: 1) are the characters acting and talking like they do in the tv show/movie?; 2) are any major changes (ie, a girlfriend's defection to make way for the man-on-man love) well explained and believable?; and 3) is the writing good? (oh, and my unspoken 4th rule? no het sex. Period.)

Slash writers who are truly immersed in their writing and love of their shows put out stories that read like episodes of the shows themselves...with sex. Their stories are funny, raunchy, touching, action-packed, angsty, and do not shy away from emotion. Some people read romance novels, or thrillers, or repetitive SFF novels set in the same damn fantasy universe for their reality break. I read slash.

Looking for new fandoms is a challenge. Oh, they're out there. And easy to find. But that doesn't mean what you'll find is any good. There's a whole buncha crap on the internet and slash writing is no different. Writers one knows already may have a recs page, if one is lucky. Or one can go to fanfiction.net and randomly click (though it helps if you have a fandom in mind). Or you can just take your chances--as I did when I found this gem that made my whole day. It is a short and funny (and totally PG rated) post-Serenity Mal/Jayne. I think I just found my new OTP.

For anyone who may be interested here is one of my stories. It is from BtVS and is Spike/Xander. It is rated NC-17. If you'd like to know something about it, here is what Mad Poetess said when she recommended it:

Goddess D's Just Say Something: Rated NC-17. Deeply poetic fisting. No, seriously.

As Mad Poetess was one of the tops in the fandom at the time, I was pretty flattered. I don't read my stuff anymore, took my site down, am actually lucky I found that link among some relic archive sites, but there you go.

I don't write slash or fanfiction anymore because I just don't have the time. I put a lot of effort into my stories that I would rather use for real life stuff.

But I sure do like reading it still. I'm kind of on an Adam Baldwin kick lately and came across this amusing Chuck/Casey that also made me laugh and appreciate, well...anyway. It too, is NC-17. Don't say I didn't warn you. It may not be real, but it's real addictive.

Okay, so the guy in the office next to mine is watching Dr. Phil

I guess I'm not the only one doing something personal on the company dime.

Recently finished reading:
Can there be a true meshing of tragic American history and magical realism? Yes, it's called The Monsters of Templeton.
The first two of the ever-growing (and addictive) Maisie Dobbs series, by Jacqueline Winspear.
The latest in a series of hardboiled vampire noire: Already Dead, by Charlie Huston.
Comic book genius Warren Ellis' fiction debut, Crooked Little Vein.
And I caught up on all my Buffy Season Eight (yes, including that issue).

It occurs to me I have very diverse reading tastes. I like it that way.

Listening to:
My iPod! I lurv lurv lurv my iPod! It's like having your favorite radio station on all the time with no commercials. The only problem is, I'm obsessed with my shuffle. I have 854 songs on the thing and I'm only at song 476. Do I have the fortitude necessary to keep going until I hear every song in the tiny thing? My favorite aspect of it: the Dada-esque quality of song choice. For example: I had My Bloody Valentine's Loveless in there. And it seemed the Pod was determined to give me every song off the album at inopportune times, such as when I want to hear Rob Zombie, for example. No one wants to hear "Soon" when they're in the mood for "Living Dead Girl" people. So I would fast-forward only to have...yet another song from Loveless come up not two songs later. As if the Pod were telling me, "You will hear something dreamy right now because it's what I've determined is good for you and I'm the mighty Pod. Do not question me!"

Yes, master. Shall I eat some bugs next?