In Avoiding Conflict, She Avoided Life Altogether

Last night, the better half and I had what may be termed as a disagreement over dinner about what I perceived as his cavalier attitude towards the behavior of his male friends. We were in a restaurant and actually having a pleasant time, talking this and that, but talk veered madly for about 20 minutes and I had to fight the urge to do what I usually do, concede and move on. I needed him to see how much it bothered me, even though I tend to back away from any sort of confrontation. In the past I would have filed his stories away as further evidence of his hypocrisy. His gentle allowance and seeming acceptance of his friends's boorish behavior was further evidence to me of an obvious character defect.

For some reason last night, I challenged this defect and let him know I intended for him to live up to the model he proclaims to be for others. This is important to me. I dislike three main types of people: bigots, cynics, and hypocrites. I believe we can all live as models of goodness for others. I know he is looked up to by his friends as the "good guy" model and I appreciate that about him. But what kind of model is he when he doesn't even appear upset by this behavior, even seems to act amused by it? What am I supposed to think of this man who finds cheating and over indulgence funny?

So I did the challenging. I'd had enough. I'd had 14 years of enough. And it felt fucking fantastic. He got defensive and I continued to state my case and we went round and round and neither of us won or lost.

And for the first time in ages, we sat at a dinner table for over an hour and talked to each other. We had a conversation. We chatted and shared and got annoyed, but we didn't once stop talking and allow silence to feel normal.

And it was nice.